Big Sister 601's Advice Column
by sakimidare
Summary: Hungary is finally sick of all the UST among nations and decides to help them. Somewhere along the road, Prussia is roped in. Need a hand with that man you've been lusting after ever since forever? Big Sister is here to help you. NOT PruHun/
1. The Beginning of the End

_A/N: So, I'm on a HUGE Writer's Block..err..not really. Just …I can't type something that big up right now…so no updates on any of my existing fics._

_This, is an interactive fic – more or less. I already have the position of Prussia and Hungary. If somebody else wants to send in as someone else, that's fine with me. Now as to how this thing works, huh? And thus starts the story. Big Siter 601 is a nickname for Hungary in the Japanese fandom. The kanji for 601 reads like 'Yaoi' and hence the name. I got this information from HaraGuroTan's fics, so thanks to her/him._

_Underlined text is France (Cameo!)_

_Bold text is Prussia._

_Normal text is Hungary._

'…' _represent thoughts._

_There are no actions at least in this chapter. I hope you'll give this format a try._

_Date Written:19__th__ March, 2010._

**Big Sister 601's Advice Column**

ALRIGHT! Tell you what! I have finally had enough of this!

**Kesesesese~Wha-! I don't really know whats up with this crazy woman. She was just reading this shady looking paperback when she suddenly blew up, throwing it across the room and starting to scream like a bitch, which she more or less is I gue- ow! Where the Hell does that frying pan even come from **_**verdammt**_**?**

**About that book, though.. I wonder whats in it? Maybe some awesome secret kesese~ Lets pick it up and take a look at it – **_**Verdammt**_**! **_**Was ist olles? Warum…?**_

Ugh….You should just stay away if you can't stomach it! Yaoi is not for the faint of heart! Hmmm… though I kind of wonder why he fainted outright? That was kind of an extreme reaction… Oh! Right! Russia and Prussia doujinshi. Noncom, too… I guess the pipe was too much for him… or was it the Bunny Suit he's wearing..? Now where did I put those tissues… yeah, here they are. I wonder how much blood I'm losing like this…. Lucky thing I'm a nation and so immortal.

Back to the topic at hand! I am SICK of you all! YES! Yes, yes you. I am talking about you! Fact is! I am so sick of how you nations are so …so dense and in denial! I mean, seriously! Get a pair of balls and let me see them! In the midst of hot, passionate, gay se –

_**Scheisse!**_** I can't handle this any more! First I see a picture of myself with a pipe shoved up in places it definitely does NOT belong, then I see myself wearing an apron and Russia wearing a Play Bunny suit and bunny ears and shoving said pipe in the places it does not belong! I am too awesome to be subjected to this kind of treat** – **Wait. Liz? Are you alright? All that blood…. is she bleeding from her nose? What the hell? Should I call an ambu – oh. Hey, You are up!**

Yes, yes I am. Now get the Hell away from me and let me finish my speech. So! To help all of you imbeciles, I have decided to start an advice column! With a nominal fee, of course.

**Who would want **_**your**_** advice, you crazy woman, even if **_**you**_** paid **_**them**_**…**

Hmm~ Did I hit him too hard now? I don't think so.. I hope not. Well, even if that was the case he totally deserved it! Now, what was I saying? Yes! My fee is thatI get the first picture rights. Really! That's all I want. Just pictures… nothing more… and your address? I will have to see if those camera systems are still on sale… but it's a bit difficult since we have this dang blasted recession.. I am sure I can manage, though… ehem!

**Stop making that face! You are scaring the Awesome me! Not that I ever get scared, I am too awesome for that, kesesese … ow! **_**Scheisse**_**! What IS it with you and that random frying pan? **

Shut up already! And you all! Come oooon! You _know_ you want to do it~send in letters to Big Sister. She will help you get together~

_Moi_, _moi_. What is this? An advice column? Ah ..I see! They want to spread Amour!

**I just want to get out, and she just wants yaoi fodder.**

What a noble cause!

**Are you fucking crying or what? What a pussy..**

I must join in now – 

YOU WILL NOT GROPE ME! MEET MY FRYING PAN!

That really hurt… Prussia's here, too… bon jour, Prussie…

**SUFFER THE WRATH OF PRUSSIAN AWESOME! I'M TOO AWESOME TO BE GROPED BY YOU! **

M-maybe… maybe I should stay as an Assistant Consultant…

[TBC]

**TRANSLATIONS:**

**German:**

**Scheisse: shit**

**Was ist olles: what the hell?**

**Verdammt: God damn it**

**French:**

**Moi moi : my my (I think?)**

**Amour: Love**

**Prussie: Prussia**

_So, send in letters. As nations – I don't care if you are an OC , canon or OOC… just send 'em in. BUT! Pairings already decided: FrUK,GerIta. That's all… I think. If there's multiple letters for one antion, I reserve the right to select. And same goes for pairings. Yaoi, Yuri, Het, all are fine~_

_3_

_Big Sister 601 AKA Hungary-chan!_


	2. Spain

_A/N: Yes..so blame __MsKasuten__. That letter was pure love, mostly 'cos I ship Spamano so hard XD_

_MSKasuten__ contributed the letter from Spain._

_Underlined text is France (Cameo!)_

_Bold text is Prussia._

_Normal text is Hungary._

_'…' coupled with styled [bold/normal] __represent Prussia's and Hungary's thoughts respectively._

_Bold text denoted between –insert thing here– are Prussia's actions and normal text denoted in the same way are Hungary's. There won't be too many thoughts and actions._

**Big Sister 601's Advice Column: Spain**

Oh! We already have our first..

**Why am I here again?**

Just open the letter unless you want to get a taste of my pan again.

**You are one scary…err, nothing. Don't give me that look! It doesn't scare me in the sligh – **

Ugh! He's too annoying. Its so much better when he's unconscious anyway. Now lets read this – wait. Something's wrong, isn't it, Prussia?

**Too quiet?**

Yes, too – how are you even up so early? Have you developed an immunity to my pan or what? Hmm~ that's not going to do~ I have to find something else to hit you with, then.

**Its because I'm awesome, not because of your stupid frying pans and immunity – though my immune system is awesome, too, since its mine, after al – OW! Hey, you could just ask me to stop!**

That's what I did!

**In a way that doesn't involve a frying pan in the face!**

This way is so much quicker.

**-sweatdrops-**

So what were we talking about? Too – oh! Where's France?

**-shrug- Eh, probably went to harass someone else.**

Right. Lets open this letter, then.

**Why the fuck are you nosebleeding?**

-Ignoring Prussia completely and on purpose, reading aloud- So, Spain says:

_Mes amigos,,_

_Hola~ Spain here! How are you doing? :)_

Why, Toni, we are all doing very well here –

**Except for the awesome me, who got stuck with this psy - -looks at frying pan- unawesome bi- woman, and is being greeted by a frying pan every two minut – **

-Ignoring Prussia again and talking over him- but I am even better now that someone finally decided to do something about their – problems.

**Like they can't guess it from your nosebleed… 'Although, being as oblivious as he is, Toni would probably not get it' –sighs-**__

_I'm here for some advice... si.._

And I'm here to give it to you.

**-cringes- 'Whats with that rape face..?'**__

_You know mi tomate Lovi~? Ahh, well.. He's been very difficult lately.. It was never usually this bad with him, but.._

**Holy shit Erzsbeta! Stop that! So much blood loss can't be good for health!**

'Mi Tomate..so cute!' I am used to it anyway, Gil. Stop freaking out. You are annoying me – wait. Who am I kidding? When do you not?

**Screw this unawesome shit – I am outta here – **

Try and I'll break every bone in your body.

**-sweatdrops again and sits in emo corner-**__

_Well, lately he has been avoiding me.. He won't answer his calls or texts, every time I visit him, Ita-chan always answers saying Lovi is busy.._

_At world meetings, I'll always catch him staring at me, and when I do he'll always look away with a flushed red face._

_Do you think he's ill? His face is always red every time I see him.. Maybe that's why he won't let me in his house.. Perhaps he doesn't want to get me ill?_

_Ah, well... That's all I have to say really.. Reply soon, si?_

_Spain._

**Erzsbeta…? 'nah, the unawesome bitch threatened me . . . but what if she dies..? I ought to call the ambulance, really…Now where's my cellphone..?'**

I'm alright! I'm fine! -grabs a beer and chugs it down-

Oh God Toni! I knew you could be dense, but to be so dense as this!

'**What do you know… he can be denser than this, even.'**

Toni~ can't you see it yet? Lovi really likes you, and that's why he's behaving like that! He probably thinks you don't really like him, and thus can't accept his feelings for you. Hence the maintain a distance and all! But don't worry! Big Sister is here to help you! First of all, you should show him how much you appreciate him! Take him to a romantic candlelight dinner, in a secluded spot. And you must cook it yourself! That's a must!

**Wait…are you saying that England can't ever win someone over like this? Because if he cooks, that person would probably die on the spo – Umph!**

Don't you dare interrupt me! So, as I was saying, make it romantic. Shower him with all your affection and attention. If he refuses to let you in, serenade him till he comes out. Wait. That's if you can sing. Don't try it unless you can sing really well, since its … well, Lovino.

He won't give in easily, and he will continue to be in denial as long as he can, but you must be persistent and break through all his barriers – Gil?

**Yes?**

Why are you shivering?

**N-nothing.**

Really? –Raises eyebrows-

**I-I .. I just thought of Natalya –shudders-**

-shivers- Yeah, lets not talk of her right now. Back to what we were –

– **Not us, just the unawesome YOU!**

–As_I _was saying! You must break through all his barriers! And I know you can do it, since you are the Country of Passion.

And don't forget:

I WANT PICTURES AND – IF POSSIBLE – VIDEO FOOTAGE AND –

**Can't you just take those from those hidden spy cameras you had had installed in every nation's house?**

_H-How on earth do you know that?_

**Keseseseseseseseseseseseses – GAH! STOP THAT! YOU ARE SCARIN – I-I I mean UNSETTLING the Awesome Me! STOP IT I SAY!**

_**T.B.C.**_

_A/N: Seriously guys, if you can follow, that means you like this, right? SO don't let it DIE a horrible death from lack of momentum! Review as nations! If you just alert and favourite and move on, I can't keep this up alone for long –cries-_

_Thanks and cookies to__ MsKasuten. __ Yay for Spamano! 3 3_

_You made me type four pages. Congrattz. As soon as I saw this I went " Gah Spamano MUST DO NOW!" XD_

_I apologise for any formatting fail. My PC was formatted and I lost my OpenOffice. I'm stuck with MSWord and its not the most compatible with FFn, so I have been told._


	3. N Italy

I'm sorry for the wait! I had things to take care of….

**Things that landed me in an unawesome hospital for over a month….**

Don't grumble! I was in the hospital too!

**I can't help it if you bleed all over the place just watching the videos Spain sent you! **

At least Germany took pity on you and washed the blood so you didn't have to do it…

…**.WHY SHOULD I BE WASHING STAINS OFF YOUR HOUSE ANYW-**

Sorry to say, but Gil will be out of commission for a little while~ Lets start with our next sender.

Ciao~

_Veneciano here! :D___

_Hungary-nee-chan, I have a problem... Why does Ludwig try to get away from me? Is he sick?___

_Am I ugly? Smelly? Because everytime I get close to him he blushes a lot and then get's away... :c_

**Quit making that expression. You'll make me gag.**

_Is it because I told him I didn't like his wurst?_

**He doesn't mean it that way, perver- OW!**  
><em><br>__Vee..~ I'm so confused, what should I do?___

_He locks his door at night, and I can't get it! I get very cold at night, Hungary-nee-chan___

_- N. Italy_

…I wonder if Ita-chan even realizes how many "That's what he said"s he committed….

**Or maybe its just your dirty mind at work again. Anyway Ita-chan, you didn't need Liz for this! Even I can tell you why, since I'm just that awesome!**

How about _you _solve this one then, Gil?

**That's easy! Its kind of sad though….if Luddy hadn't been so hopelessly in love with him I might have gone after him. But he's pretty cute and he'll still be around if he gets with West, so I guess its alright!**

Hah! More like you'll be around them till West kicks you out.

…**.**

In that case, don't forget to take videos for me!

**My little bruder..all grown up..Here's what to do, Ita-chan. I'll give you the key to the house, sneak up on West at night and tell him how cold and lonely you get without him, and how much you love him. I'm pretty sure he'll come out and confess to you if you're unexpected enough!**

AND RECORD EVERYTHING~!

A/N: Sorry for the lateness otl. Life happens ^^||||


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